In a world where harsh words and heated arguments often dominate discussions, especially when it comes to matters of faith and morality, the apostle Paul’s guidance to his protégés Timothy and Titus offers a refreshing and powerful approach. This blog post delves into the wisdom found in Paul’s letters, exploring how we can speak truth in love within our church communities and beyond.
I. Treat Others Like Family
At the heart of Paul’s teaching is the concept of treating fellow believers as family members. In 1 Timothy 5:1-2, he instructs Timothy: “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.”
This familial approach sets the tone for all interactions within the church. But what does this look like in practice? It means developing deep, authentic relationships that go beyond surface-level pleasantries. It involves investing time and emotional energy into truly knowing and understanding one another.
Consider how you interact with your closest family members. You likely know their strengths, weaknesses, struggles, and joys. You’re willing to have difficult conversations because you care deeply about their well-being. This same level of investment should characterize our church relationships.
This family-oriented mindset extends to the difficult topic of church discipline. When correction is necessary, it should be done with the same love and concern we would show to a wayward sibling or child. Jesus outlines this process in Matthew 18:15: “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.” The goal is always restoration and growth, not punishment or shame.
Fathers, in particular, play a crucial role in this familial church dynamic. Paul emphasizes the importance of fathers as spiritual leaders, both in their homes and in the wider church community. Their example of love, discipline, and spiritual devotion sets the tone for the entire congregation. As Ephesians 6:4 instructs, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
II. Avoid Prejudging Others
One of the biggest obstacles to speaking truth in love is our tendency to prejudge others based on limited information. Paul warns Timothy against this in 1 Timothy 5:21, saying, “I charge you, in the sight of God and Christ Jesus and the elect angels, to keep these instructions without partiality, and to do nothing out of favoritism.”
To overcome this, we must invest in building deeper relationships within our church communities. Superficial interactions on Sunday mornings are not enough. We need to create opportunities for genuine connection and vulnerability, such as small groups, retreats, and one-on-one discipleship.
Paul wisely notes that some sins and good works take time to become apparent. In 1 Timothy 5:24-25, he states, “The sins of some are obvious, reaching the place of judgment ahead of them; the sins of others trail behind them. In the same way, good deeds are obvious, and even those that are not obvious cannot remain hidden forever.” This teaches us patience in our assessments of others. The person you might be quick to judge could be fighting battles you know nothing about, or quietly serving in ways you haven’t noticed.
Practically, this might mean suspending judgment when you hear gossip or rumors. It means taking the time to get to know people personally before forming opinions about their character or spiritual maturity. It also means being open to having your initial impressions challenged as you learn more about someone’s heart and circumstances.
III. Avoid Quarreling and Anger
Speaking truth in love means avoiding a quarrelsome spirit. Paul draws a clear connection between anger and unproductive arguments. Instead, in 2 Timothy 2:24, he advises, “And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.”
This approach recognizes that those caught in sin are, in a sense, victims of Satan’s snares. Our goal should be to gently guide them back to the truth, not to win an argument or prove our own righteousness. As Paul continues in verses 25-26, “Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.”
In practice, this might mean:
- Taking a deep breath and praying before responding to a contentious issue
- Focusing on understanding the other person’s perspective before presenting your own
- Using “I” statements to express your concerns rather than accusatory “you” statements
- Being willing to admit when you’re wrong or when you’ve spoken too harshly
IV. Approach Correction with a Broken Heart
When correction is necessary, it should come from a place of genuine sorrow and concern. Paul exemplifies this in 2 Corinthians 12:21, expressing his mourning over unrepentant sinners in the Corinthian church: “I fear that when I come again my God will humble me before you, and I will be grieved over many who have sinned earlier and have not repented of the impurity, sexual sin and debauchery in which they have indulged.”
This broken-hearted approach to correction is challenging. It requires us to remain emotionally invested and vulnerable, even when faced with ongoing sin or resistance. However, it’s this very vulnerability that can often break through hardened hearts and lead to genuine repentance.
Practically, this might look like:
- Praying fervently for the person before approaching them
- Expressing your concern in terms of how their actions are affecting them and others, rather than just pointing out their wrongdoing
- Being willing to share your own struggles and failures when appropriate
- Following up with ongoing support and encouragement after the initial conversation
V. The Purpose of Church Discipline
When speaking truth in love, we must remember the ultimate purpose of church discipline: restoration. Paul makes this clear in 1 Corinthians 5:5, saying of a man in unrepentant sin, “Hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.” Withdrawing fellowship should always be a last resort, done with the hope of eventual reconciliation.
At the same time, church discipline serves to protect the congregation from negative influences. As Paul warns in 1 Corinthians 5:6b, “Don’t you know that a little yeast leavens the whole batch of dough?” It’s a delicate balance between showing grace to the individual and safeguarding the spiritual health of the community.
In practice, this means:
- Following the steps Jesus outlined in Matthew 18:15-17, starting with private conversations and only escalating to public discipline as a last resort
- Clearly communicating the reasons for discipline and the steps necessary for restoration
- Continuing to pray for and reach out to those under discipline
- Being willing to fully restore those who genuinely repent
VI. Remember Your Own Sinfulness
Perhaps the most crucial aspect of speaking truth in love is maintaining a humble perspective. In Titus 3:3-5, Paul reminds us of our own sinful past and the undeserved grace we’ve received: “At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.”
This remembrance should infuse all our interactions with humility and gratitude. When we approach others from this standpoint, our words are more likely to be received as they’re intended – not as harsh judgment, but as loving concern from a fellow recipient of God’s grace.
Practical ways to maintain this humble perspective include:
- Regularly confessing your own sins to God and trusted brothers or sisters in Christ
- Being quick to apologize when you’ve spoken harshly or judgmentally
- Sharing your own struggles and growth areas when encouraging others
- Regularly meditating on the grace you’ve received in Christ
Conclusion
Speaking truth in love is no easy task. It requires us to balance firmness with gentleness, conviction with compassion. By following Paul’s guidance to Timothy and Titus, we can create church communities that are both truthful and loving – places where genuine growth and transformation can occur.
As Paul encourages in Ephesians 4:15, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” This is our ultimate goal – to grow together into the likeness of Christ, spurring one another on in love and good deeds.
For those already part of a church family, let these principles guide your interactions. Invest in deeper relationships, approach others with humility and patience, and always seek restoration over condemnation. Remember, every conversation is an opportunity to reflect the love and truth of Christ.
And for those who haven’t yet experienced this kind of loving community, we extend an invitation. Consider exploring the teachings of Christ and the transformative power of baptism. Join a family of believers committed to speaking truth in love, supporting one another on the journey towards true success – living a life that leads to heaven.
May we all grow in our ability to speak the truth in love, building up the body of Christ and bearing witness to the transformative power of the gospel in our lives and communities.